shaving cream and slaps

Sup.

My blog ADHD has reached a high point so that is why my blogs have been few and far between lately. (That and I do the same thing every day). Except! I did go to the circus this week…that was fun; partly because I am a little child and partly because I’d never been to one. Oh..and it was free and there were tigers

Today was much like yesterday in that I felt the strongest urge to slap someone-namely, someone that works with me. After I worked my ever largening bum off doing my own job, I had the task of completing my said coworker’s job too. While she sat there enjoying a bowl of Raisin Bran, I folded sheet after sheet. “Are you going to help me or are you just gonna sit there and eat cereal?” I asked in a slightly joking but totally serious way. Raisin Bran brat replies back with, “Nope. Gotta make sure you are doing it right.” I almost flew off the handle (as my sister would say). Thoughts of smacking not only her but also the bowl of cereal out of her hand raced through my mind. I calmed myself down with the image of me getting the broom and mop out while she retrieved more sustenance. 

Tonight I had a break from all this chaos and went out for supper at my sister’s house. I have to include a very funny moment that my nephew and I had together. I was watching a movie with him (more like I was dodging flying pillows while a movie was on) and all of a sudden he stops and says to me, “Why do you have round things on you? Is it cuz you’re a grown up?” HAHAHA oh little boys…

Finally, before I drone on too long, I got back to my room in Lemmon where I decided I needed to get rid of the carpet on my legs. I climbed in the shower and grabbed the closest shaving cream to me, paying little attention to the large “Gillette” words printed on the side of the can. Had I known that this shaving cream was the “best a MAN can get” I might not have used it. I slapped that stuff on my legs like someone was gonna steal it. Next thing I knew my shower was filled with the sent of a man. And I mean FILLED! Wow, I could barely breathe! Since it was already on my legs I quickly shaved the hairy beasts and tried to mask the pungent man smell with coconut conditioner. Yeah right. Now I just smell like my dad and coconut. Super. 

Aloha

the curse of caring

Sup.

Wow, it has been a hella long time since I’ve written. Life is sooo unblogworthy this month, so bare with me. 

*Disclaimer for this blog: part of it is a discussion between two women. For my guy readers, I apologize haha*

I love my sisters (well, my family as a whole but today made me chuckle about having older sisters.) The next week is going to be close to pandemonium because not only is my second oldest sister coming home for a visit, but there is also something close to what my Canadian friends call a “family gathering” going to be occurring. All of which I will be working for, so let the gas bill between Lemmon and my hometown start piling up now. Anywho…

My oldest sister came over for a brief chat tonight which was fantastic. Since she is pregnant we managed to get on the silly topic of our “twins.” (For those of you that do not understand the lingo; twins is synonymous to jugs, racks, “the ladies”, Kahunas, Macoffees (my Korean coworker’s term), boobs, breasts, etc…feel free to share your term for them! haha It came to my attention that no matter how confident a woman can be with her body there is always just enough room to compare. So as my sister, who seemed to get all the boob-gene of the family, lay there saying how she wished she could buy cute bras like the Zebra print one I was showing her but couldn’t because of her mountains of double whatever didn’t make “cute ones” I layed there saying how she was a man’s dream-thin waist even as a 10week pregnant woman with the who-ha’s of Pamela Anderson! We then laughed as she said “at least yours don’t fall to your armpits when you lay down” and I combatted that with saying how “at least hers didn’t completely disappear when she layed on her back!” Oh the moments we have shared so far this summer

Well, I am probably going to do something non-constructive, as it is about the time where I sit back, relax, and watch an episode of Psych. 

Aloha

i’ve returned

Sup.

I realized it has been ages since I have last written. Not that I haven’t had things to write about…but I think I maxed out my complain card to my sister about what I would have written about. Word of caution: Never insult my amateur gardening skills or I will rant. *For those that have not heard the story and would like to, facebook me…it is actually somewhat giggle worthy* I will also take the time to enlighten you with a way I am so random I make a roulette look tame. 

My choice of blogging today is none other than food. For those that know me personally…I am similar to a combination of a wolf and an elephant. Wolf because I devour food, elephant because the amount I eat should feed something that weighs two tons. Anyway, enough about my animal twins in the food world. I remember a semi-comical story that happened to me my first year at college. It was a day the cafeteria was serving hotdish of some sort and I had dropped a morsel of it onto the table. Since I didn’t want to eat it off the table for some reason, I decided to flick it. Placing my thumb just over the tip of my middle finger I nonchalantly launched the mystery meat into the air. Suddenly I looked to see it land on the back of some fools neck. He grabbed his neck and wiped it off; his face wrinkled in disgust. Try as I did, I couldn’t hide my face quickly enough and had to speedily explain my way out of a beating. 

So that is one random story for the day…um, nothing else funny happened. I am currently helping comfort my sister in her time of need aka going to the store for food. 

Aloha

sneaking around

Sup.

Even though my life has been relatively uneventful since the last time I wrote, people have been asking me to write, so here is my attempt at making it seem like I do more than clean hotel rooms and stick business cards on the back of magnets. Today as I was attempting to be sly and dump some flavour into my water (knowing my sister was going to walk in on me before I managed to throw away the evidence) I decided I should write about sneaking around. Just like it is rare to see a piece of butter toast fall on the ground butter side up, it is just as rare to get away with something sneaky without being caught. I have done my fair share of sneaking around as a young lady…in order to protect myself, I will leave most of those stories out of this blog. I also have these thoughts of being caught in a devious act as I stand in front of my window in my sports bra and booty shorts at night hoping no one else is looking out their window to spy me in my almost glory. 

On a totally unrelated note I had the pleasure to chill with my older sister tonight, whom I have developed a sixth sense with. I knew she was pregnant before she did…why? Because I have special powers (or so my horoscope told me). It is going to be exciting to have another niece or nephew around January. Children are such a joy…or so I am told by parents after their children are sleeping finally. Of course, children grow up and become poor little teenagers, one of which I have to work with. The poor girl was crying on her first day of work because she was put under the watchful eye of KC (Korean coworker for those who have forgotten). So in my superhero complex hour, I decided to take her under my wing and train her myself to spare her from the grasps of KC. These same teenagers grow up to be middle aged women much like my KC, who, for some reason loves me. The only problem with this is that she is clingy. Saran Wrap has nothing on this woman, and I swear if she touches my face one more time I might have to fight the small Asian who has apparently made military men fear for their very lives. 

Well, I should climb into bed, I don’t want the neighbours to catch me in my undergarments :S Plus, my sister and I have eaten enough pizza to make a grown man cry, so Tums looks to be in our future (not like I’m psychic or anything…… haha)

Aloha

Free Time!

Sup.

I have so many random stories today…mainly because I haven’t written in a few days. I have a long weekend which is exciting for me so I decided to head for my good ol’ home for some of my momma’s cooking. Friday I had to see friends before I went clinically insane, so I went and saw some of my high school friends. My one friend Megan (whom I’ve written about before) and I went to Walmart because we had some time to kill. After perusing the aisle’s of the toy section pressing all the music buttons a boomerang came flying through the fluorescent lighting and landing much too close to me for comfort. I’m serious…some kid must have launched the odd-shaped toy into the air, not realizing that it was on a mission to destroy.  Later when meeting up with two of my other friends for a meal out at Applebee’s there was a strange occurrence with the table next to us. An older man walks over to our table, hands us his bill and then says “thanks ladies” while trying to walk away in his attempt to flirt with woman who were probably half of his old age. Our friend Allison gave him such a look that he will probably be embarrassed for the rest of his adult life. Weird random men. 

After our great meal, we traveled over to Dan’s Supermarket because my mom wanted some groceries. Now I have to explain something about my family. We always stocked up on food when it was on sale because of a few reasons: not a lot of money, quite a few family members, and not a lot of trips to town. Therefore, while my friends were helping me load 6 boxes of Life cereal and 3 gallons of milk into my cart, one of them asked just how many people there were in my family. When I told them that the kids no longer live at home I had to call my mom to make sure that there was a good reason why I was cleaning out the shelves of the store. She replies with “well, you’re home this weekend!” Apparently I eat like a horse! Oh well, I had coupons, a full cart, and friends. Who cares if there was no more wheat bread in aisle seven. 

That’s about all I feel like writing for now, cuz I am semi-crabby and don’t want that to deter from the good times I had up to today. Tune in later when I am feeling truly inspired with great stories (which I am sure I will have after coming back from 4-wheeled bike ride with an old classmate). 

Aloha

food catastrophes

Sup.

My day started out wayyyy too good. Which is how I knew the day was going to spin madly out of control by the time I got home from work. Work was fantastic, which by saying that, shows how crazy I have become. When I got home and settled into my comfy chair in my basement room I realized that hunger was going to overtake my post-work lazy body. So with all the strength I could muster, I heaved myself out of my chair and grabbed a bag of what promised to be an “easy 10-minute” alrfredo package type deal. Clearly the makers of the package hadn’t met me when they wrote the word “easy” on the protective covering of noodles and seasoning. All was going well until I realized that the spatula I was using to stir the extremely hot mixture was melting just as fast as the butter I had placed in the sauce pan. Saying a quick “sorry” to my poor yellow spatula I grabbed a spoon from the nearest drawer. Just like a child whose parent has looked the other direction for one moment, my saucepan took my millisecond distraction and decided to boil with intensity. Before I could make the move to turn down the heat, grab the pan, and set down a spoon the contents of my pan foamed like a rabid dog and spilled over the edges. Smoke rose from the burner, the scent made my stomach churn and I immediately flipped on the fan. After saving the poor food from my lack of cooking skills I tried to salvage it and eat it. Not my best meal, but it was better than starving…or eating grass which was my next option. 

P.S. Also in my lack of judgement I read the blog entry about my mother…to. my. mother. Note to self: blog is funnier when you don’t tell your mom you wrote a blog about her :S     To my dear older sister whom I know reads these this next p.s. is for you. 

P.S.S. I’ve never felt more like a giant piece of lard then when one of my sisters (who is 12 years older than me) tells me that the pants I wore in highschool as my skinny pants are the pants she wears as her fat pants now. Highschool must have been bad for me! Oh well, if I keep cooking the way I do, I can compare myself to celery and not lard!

Aloha

mom’s and miscommunications

Sup.

So I have a couple of random thoughts for the day. First, what is it with mother’s pushing the “boyfriend” issue once their daughter turns a certain age. I have been contentedly single for the past 19 years, and am continuing to enjoy the singleness of life. My mother, I’m sure has good intentions with all the not-so-subtle hints about a single guy, or “what’s your type,” etc… However, if I wanted a boyfriend mom- I would have one. Let’s move on. 

My next random thought is that of telling stories. I don’t always tell great stories…I have been guilty of telling a tale or two that ended with my listener saying, “and then you found five dollars?” But there are other times when I tell a silly tid-bit that happened in my life and among the main point, my listener finds the one thing that was so unimportant that I shouldn’t have bothered to say it…and then they dwell on it.  For pete’s-sake, were you even listening to the story at all??? It’s like when I was in elementary school and there was a reading comprehension question about a story you had to read. The main point of the story was clearly about a lost rabbit, but there is always the multiple choice question that gives you an option to pick “the main point of the story was ‘the sky was blue’” Clearly, the person that was reading the story I texted them today failed in reading comprehension. I told them a funny story about my niece and a picture that I had showed her, and my listener says, “what picture.” Why does it matter? My niece said something funny! Oh well…obviously they need to go back to elementary school and learn how to find the main point of the story. 

Well, I am off to do something constructive (aka watch a movie or stare at my wall). 

Aloha